Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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