sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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