I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Did you just see the Batmobile???
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
jump out the window naked night went bad
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
