Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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