he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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