u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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