Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
