Welp...herpes.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
