Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
