Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
