i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
jump out the window naked night went bad
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