OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
