I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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