hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
