Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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