I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
