Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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