And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
