i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Found your dick twin last night
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
