I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
