How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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