then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
