I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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