i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
