I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
