I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
