You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
