He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
