I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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