I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
