so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
