never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
