The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
