it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
