you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
