Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
