my vag is so smooth its legendary
He is an equal opportunity slut.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
