My first STD was from a foam party
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I didn't notice because vodka
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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