Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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