called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
