my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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