Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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