Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize