apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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