I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
