The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
