I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
