I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
