I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
