i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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