When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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