Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
