you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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