this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
