the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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