I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
