woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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