He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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