put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
