you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
