toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
