Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Don't EVER smell your tampon
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
