Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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