Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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