$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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