I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize