The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
