I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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