An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
