She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
