it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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