How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
