she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
