quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
