I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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