talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
