The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize