Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize